FPL- The Sliding Tackle

 

Weeks 16-22

A new year should bring positive things. However in Fantasy Premier League, all old things don’t always pass away. We still have players who probably feasted on too much turkey and indulged in too much wine. Festive cheer, yes, but not enough FPL points to cheer. So I am here again to recommend some forceful acts of motivation.

In the previous edition, we had a treatment on three players. The Rough Ramos Re-generation was aimed at Romelu Lukaku, Christian Eriksen and Renato Sanches.

Lukaku briefly cackled as his scoring boots were released from their shackles. Two goals in weeks 17 and 18 and it seemed there was a Red Rom Renaissance on the way. Aaaaaand…. Nah. No further PL goals since then. Kane and Salah banging goals but lookatchu, Lukaku.

Eriksen had not proved to be a great Dane prior to his ‘meeting’ with Ramos. However, Sergio’s studs up managed to gee up the Spurs playmaker. Christian’s form resurrected in the following game-weeks. He ended up having 2 goals and 3 assists in 7 games and even had around 343,000 new FPL managers showing faith in his abilities going into game-week 22.

Renato Sanches however is a lost cause in FPL. The Ramos masterclass had no effect whatsoever. Sanches maintained remarkable consistency in the goals and assist columns by doing absolutely nothing. Zero for Renato, more hobo than FPL hero.

In this edition, we bring the man who makes more balls appear and disappear than Houdini; Troy Deeney. Who are the three under-performing players who need more cojones?

Sadio Mane

From being the Mane man to being the least glamorous of Liverpool’s Fab Four. ”Mane FC” is now as defunct as the aforementioned Fab Four and it’s no wonder why. Only 5 PL goals all season in 13 appearances (3 of those goals came in his first 3 games, by the way). Sadio has not had a great season, especially for a midfielder who started out with a 9.5m price tag.

With Coutinho heading off to hang out with his new buddies, Messi and Suarez, FPL managers are now left with the hope that Sadio Mane would form a successful new band with Salah and Firmino (The Terrific Trio?). Troy Deeney however does not believe in wishful thinking. He is a proper man, with proper balls, and he is ready to dish out some proper punishment on Mane to get him back in hot form. A kick to the chest for starters.

 

Sead Kolasinac

He came into the PL with a good reputation as an attacking full-back. Hence, the 6m price tag. Arsene Wenger then further increased our appetites for Kolasinac by playing him as a wing-back. The dream of goals, assists plus clean sheets proved irresistible. Over 860,000 FPL managers had him in their squads after game-week 16. It went down-hill from there. Kolasinac suddenly developed a knack for bench duties.

Sead started sitting out games as Wenger decided to give Maitland-Niles a river of opportunity which the youngster gleefully swam in. FPL managers who already had Sead had a choice to make: Back or Sack Kolasinac. Nearly 300,000 managers have gone with ”sack”. Troy Deeney is a man who knows a lot about ball-sacks and playing like Ballack (in his deluded mind). He is here to motivate Kolasinac back into top shape. A punch to the balls for starters.

 

Christian Benteke

A tale of two Big Bens. Although, both of them are situated in London, one proved far more useful than the other in 2017. It bonged at appointed intervals and delivered its set duties. Regardless of the fact that the Big Ben in Westminster London had to undergo repairs in August last year, it still had a successful end to the year. Crystal Palace’s Big Ben has had no such impact in real and fantasy football.

1 goal in 16 appearances is an incredibly bad record for a forward player, especially when a few defenders already have more than that number in season 2017/18. Crystal Palace might as well have had the big clock tower from Palace of Westminster upfront. Benteke has been absolutely useless. He even went as far as defying instructions not to take a last minute penalty for Palace and still ended up missing it. Deeney really needs to show the Belgian the cojones required to be a decent forward for a PL team. Troy is now licensed to destroy. All manners of motivational violence are welcome.

 

Till next time.

 

Oladimeji Sapoloso.