(Introduction- Fargo/Trainspotting rip-off)
The events narrated in this series may or may not have taken place. The people mentioned may or may not exist. Reality or Fantasy, the choice is yours.. Scratch that, if you are reading this, you already chose Fantasy. Proceed.
Selection headaches, Accountancy Firms and Moral Dilemmas
So, which of the two should we see at the cinema, Girls Trip or Snatched?’ My girlfriend asks me while I stare at my computer screen wondering whether to pick Aguero or Jesus in attack.
‘Either is fine, dear’, I reply unenthusiastically while still staring at those damn pricey players. (Wrong answer / Wrong attitude). I can sense her frown before I actually see it.
I quickly try to redeem the situation, like John Stones lunging about after carelessly giving away the ball yet again. ‘I mean I would like to see which one you think we would both enjoy more. Can you tell me what the movies are about?’ I am all enthusiasm now. Antonio Conte ain’t got nothing on this enthusiasm right here.
She sighs and says ‘Girls Trip is a comedy about girls going on a trip together. Snatched is a comedy about a mom and daughter who are snatched away while on vacation’
Hollywood, smh. I reckon there is definitely more drama and fun in selecting my fantasy team than these two movies put together. Of course, I don’t say that out loud.
‘Girls Trip sounds great, hun. If that’s the one you are leaning towards seeing’. Becky smiles, nods and says we can leave for the cinema in the next half hour. Phew! Big argument averted, praise the Lord. So I quickly select Jesus for my fantasy team and click save.
Driving down to the cinema, Becky is talking to me about office stuff. She works in an accountancy firm. Such a smart babe, so good with figures and analysing what is good value and what isn’t. A pity she has absolutely no interest in fantasy football or real football. I sure could have used some advice regarding the use of my 100m pound budget.
I have a feeling, ooooh ooh. I have spent too much on midfielders, cheapest I have being Will.I.An. So my FPL nights are probably not going to be good nights because I have now left my defence in the hands of dirt cheap defenders, those very unlikely to have clean sheets in their laundry.
Becky says something snarky about her manager at the accounting firm. I agree with her nonchalantly. ‘Yes dear, what a douche’. Just then on the radio, it is mentioned that Arsenal have scored after 2 minutes. It’s Lacazette, he is my captain. I pump my fist. Becky stares at me. I state again with more conviction ‘Yes, your boss is really a douche bag’.
We are back home. Girls Trip was actually funny in many parts. There is this obnoxious, sex crazy, party loving, mad character in it. Surprisingly, she is also the most religious of the four women. Getting on her knees and leading them in prayer.
In the movie, she says something like ‘just because I do crazy shit, doesn’t mean I don’t want to make heaven too’. Good old moral dilemma. Similar to what many of us face when playing fantasy football.
That’s basically me saying ‘Just because I hate Man Utd, it doesn’t mean I don’t want Pogba scoring me loads of points’. Jesus forgive me. (And please score me lots of points too. Amen)
- Diary ghost-written by Oladimeji Sapoloso.