Gbemi Aderemi (Guest Contributor)
Welcome to extraordinary footie fans
Gbemi Aderemi (Guest Contributor)
Weeks 16-22
A new year should bring positive things. However in Fantasy Premier League, all old things don’t always pass away. We still have players who probably feasted on too much turkey and indulged in too much wine. Festive cheer, yes, but not enough FPL points to cheer. So I am here again to recommend some forceful acts of motivation.
In the previous edition, we had a treatment on three players. The Rough Ramos Re-generation was aimed at Romelu Lukaku, Christian Eriksen and Renato Sanches.
Lukaku briefly cackled as his scoring boots were released from their shackles. Two goals in weeks 17 and 18 and it seemed there was a Red Rom Renaissance on the way. Aaaaaand…. Nah. No further PL goals since then. Kane and Salah banging goals but lookatchu, Lukaku.
Eriksen had not proved to be a great Dane prior to his ‘meeting’ with Ramos. However, Sergio’s studs up managed to gee up the Spurs playmaker. Christian’s form resurrected in the following game-weeks. He ended up having 2 goals and 3 assists in 7 games and even had around 343,000 new FPL managers showing faith in his abilities going into game-week 22.
Renato Sanches however is a lost cause in FPL. The Ramos masterclass had no effect whatsoever. Sanches maintained remarkable consistency in the goals and assist columns by doing absolutely nothing. Zero for Renato, more hobo than FPL hero.
In this edition, we bring the man who makes more balls appear and disappear than Houdini; Troy Deeney. Who are the three under-performing players who need more cojones?
Sadio Mane
From being the Mane man to being the least glamorous of Liverpool’s Fab Four. ”Mane FC” is now as defunct as the aforementioned Fab Four and it’s no wonder why. Only 5 PL goals all season in 13 appearances (3 of those goals came in his first 3 games, by the way). Sadio has not had a great season, especially for a midfielder who started out with a 9.5m price tag.
With Coutinho heading off to hang out with his new buddies, Messi and Suarez, FPL managers are now left with the hope that Sadio Mane would form a successful new band with Salah and Firmino (The Terrific Trio?). Troy Deeney however does not believe in wishful thinking. He is a proper man, with proper balls, and he is ready to dish out some proper punishment on Mane to get him back in hot form. A kick to the chest for starters.
Sead Kolasinac
He came into the PL with a good reputation as an attacking full-back. Hence, the 6m price tag. Arsene Wenger then further increased our appetites for Kolasinac by playing him as a wing-back. The dream of goals, assists plus clean sheets proved irresistible. Over 860,000 FPL managers had him in their squads after game-week 16. It went down-hill from there. Kolasinac suddenly developed a knack for bench duties.
Sead started sitting out games as Wenger decided to give Maitland-Niles a river of opportunity which the youngster gleefully swam in. FPL managers who already had Sead had a choice to make: Back or Sack Kolasinac. Nearly 300,000 managers have gone with ”sack”. Troy Deeney is a man who knows a lot about ball-sacks and playing like Ballack (in his deluded mind). He is here to motivate Kolasinac back into top shape. A punch to the balls for starters.
Christian Benteke
A tale of two Big Bens. Although, both of them are situated in London, one proved far more useful than the other in 2017. It bonged at appointed intervals and delivered its set duties. Regardless of the fact that the Big Ben in Westminster London had to undergo repairs in August last year, it still had a successful end to the year. Crystal Palace’s Big Ben has had no such impact in real and fantasy football.
1 goal in 16 appearances is an incredibly bad record for a forward player, especially when a few defenders already have more than that number in season 2017/18. Crystal Palace might as well have had the big clock tower from Palace of Westminster upfront. Benteke has been absolutely useless. He even went as far as defying instructions not to take a last minute penalty for Palace and still ended up missing it. Deeney really needs to show the Belgian the cojones required to be a decent forward for a PL team. Troy is now licensed to destroy. All manners of motivational violence are welcome.
Till next time.
Oladimeji Sapoloso.
‘Olympic goal‘ – The name given to a goal scored directly from a corner kick. Doesn’t happen too often, only one such goal has been scored in all world cups.
First man to score such a goal at international level was Argentina’s Cesareo Onzari in a 2-1 win over Uruguay in 1924. (Uruguayans claim he was assisted by the wind, Argentines say it was all about his technique. Different perspectives understandably)
But the man who has scored the most number of goals directly from corners is Turkish striker, Sukru Gulesin. He scored a mind bending 32 Olympic goals during his career and made it into the Guinness Book of Records. Bend it like Beckham? Curve it like Sukru.
Oladimeji Sapoloso
7. Ramos vs Bayern
Sergio Ramos Garcia is one of the most perplexing players of his generation. This is a man who has quite literally won it all for club and country. He is the second most capped player for the Spanish national side, with more caps than Xavi, Puyol and Raul. He has been voted into the FIFPro World XI eight times which is more than any defender has managed. He’s scored in two Champions’ League finals. But unfortunately he’s also been sent off 24 times for Real Madrid. 5 times in the El Clasico. This is why he’s such a complex player to assess.
On one hand you have a player with a suspect temperament that can get sent off in testing circumstances. On the other hand, you have one of the best “big-game” players of his generation. The Spaniard certainly proved the latter to be true with his performance against Guardiola’s Bayern Munich in 2014. Not only did his two quick-fire headers basically put the tie to bed, but he and Pepe formed a barricade that Robben, Ribery, Muller e.t.c could not breach. It would not be the last time Ramos came up with a clutch performance for his team in a big game.
Catenaccio is the dreaded Italian defensive system or formation which terrorised and dominated football world in the sixties. It was born in Seria A, though we can find its roots in the style of Austrian Coach Karl Rappen and then the legendary Nereo Rocco , it’s greatest employer and brain stormer was Helenio Herrera with his majestic Inter Milan side, “Grande Inter”, who ruled Club football in the sixties.
Catenaccio of Rocco or its predecessor, the verrou or doorbolt/chain was a typical 1-3-3-3 formation with three flat defenders, and an asymmetric hexagonal midfield and attack. Though stated as 1-3-3-3, in those times when there was no positional play, fluid inter movements or pressing like modern times, it was often four to five defenders in defence and four to five players in attack. It was a strict man marking system suited to nullify the WM formation which was prevalent at that time.
Now let’s go to the man with whom Catenaccio is eternally connected, Helenio Herrera. After a successful spell at Barcelona, he went to Inter and had a timid start due to defensive frailties. One day he was travelling besides the beach when he saw a fisherman catching fish with his net. He noticed some fishes are escaping the net and wondered if those escaping fishes could be caught with another net below the main net. Thus the idea of the most notorious defensive system in history was born.
Herrera’s team formation was a 1-4-3-2 or a 5-3-2 in modern sense, but it brought forward the idea of a “libero” or “sweeper”, Picchi being the sweeper of his team and perhaps the most famous one in Seria A history apart from Baresi. He nullified the WM by pitting 4 defenders, two centre backs and two half backs or full backs in modern term. He gave license to his full backs in Facchetti and Burgnich to bomb forward to join in attack with Facchetti often scoring in double digits a season, unthinkable for a defender even today. He also moved the withdrawn striker role, deeper in the midfield, and thus the modern “regista” position was born in Europe and Seria A. His team was the first European side to give emphasis on team structure and the first great counter attacking side was born. Inter counter attacked using Facchetti, Suarez, Jair, Corso and Mazolla. They defended in packs with Picchi acting as the auxiliary net to clear up any attack getting passed their man marking back three or back four . the great Hungarian side was the predecessor of the Total Football and the Dutch school and the Grande Inter was the father of the Herrera school or Italian system of football.
The reason Catenaccio was so despised upon was the extremely dark and physical defending, to go to any means to win a match, be it fair or unfair, but nobody can deny, it was a fantastic tactical system which revolutionised football in its day, introduced the roles of the sweeper, regista and wingbacks (albeit not like modern positions, but their predecessor) and was extremely successful. The Seria A is still dominated by modern versions of the Catenaccio in the form of 5-3-2 and 3-5-2 and Managers like Maldini, Vicini , Zoff, Prandelli and now Conte and Mourinho as the modern exponents of the Helenio Herrera school of football.Who would have thought that an entire branch or sect of football throughout half a decade will be inspired by a fisherman.
Arindam Chakraborty
Corner flags. Tim Cahill shadow boxes with them. Roger Milla used them as a dancing partner. Some footballers kick them, some use them like guitars. But corner flags are one of the most important pieces of equipment for a football game.
If a corner flag is damaged and a replacement can’t be found, the game must be abandoned. A match also can not commence without all four corner flags being present. The kick off of the 1974 world cup final was delayed for that very reason.
It is a yellow card offence to bend or shift the corner flag when taking a corner kick. And while flags marking the middle line of the pitch have gradually disappeared over the years, corner flags are still one of football’s corner stones.
Oladimeji Sapoloso
The Coutinho to Barcelona story dominated the summer transfer window and was one of the blockbuster stories apart from the Neymar and Dembele saga, difference being the latter two stories materialised while this one didn’t. This winter window has just opened and the circus already has started with Nike adding fresh ammunition to fire by leaking a news declaring sale of Coutinho Barcelona jerseys , supposedly by mistake (or is it?). Let us see why this supposed transfer has turned into a saga, why Barcelona want him so dearly and why Liverpool is adamant not to sell him and what is Nike’s role in this….
The whole saga started with the rumours of Neymar leaving for PSG. Barcelona’s entire focus at beginning was in Veratti since they were in search of a suitable player to play the Iniesta role in midfield. But Neymar’s departure lead Barca into panic. They were after Dembele and got him too, but Dembele is still green behind the ears and Barca needed a more established star in order to support Messi and Co in challenging for major silverware after a relatively mediocre season. Since Dembele is still young, who better than Coutinho who basically is a winger/wide playmaker cutting inside from the left, but under Klopp has started also playing in midfield in a more controlled and creative role. Barca always values players who can effectively play in multiple roles, and here the player is Coutinho, one of the best in Epl, who can not only deputise in the left wing role, but can also play in midfield in the Iniesta role. Naturally, even after securing Dembele, they went after Coutinho and we’re adamant to get him.
The problem arose when Liverpool put down their foot and absolutely refused to sell. With the recent influx of astronomical TV revenue money, Liverpool were in no shortage of cash, and under Klopp, they are building a squad capable of challenging in all fronts. They have acquired Salah who is tearing EPL up, they have formed a terrific trio upfront, they have secured Keita to bolster their midfield and also are after Goretzka.They have brought Virgil Van Dijk for a world record fee for a defender. Of course this situation is at present since all these purchases and situation are recent phenomenon, but the ambition and planning was set up since last summer when Liverpool were madly pursuing Van Dijk and already secured Keita. They were in no mood to sell their best player, since they have learned from selling Suarez beforehand, selling your best player, even for astronomical fee and reinvesting them in other required areas, are not always productive. The situation is still same today and so is Liverpool’s stand on the matter.
Where does Nike comes into all this. Nike signed a huge 150 million per year Shirt deal with Barca since Barcelona had Neymar, a poster boy for global football and Latin America. Messi already is tied to Adidas. Now with Neymar’s departure, they need a new poster boy to bolster their sales in the Latin American market. Coutinho is nowhere near Neymar in matter of marketing, Neymar rivals even the likes of Messi and Ronaldo in matter of market appeal. But since Neymar is not there, Coutinho is the next best bet, being already an established star and already quite popular in EPL. That mistakenly published news might be a ploy to create more pressure on both Barcelona and Liverpool, especially the later one, to expedite the transfer under fans frenzy. Liverpool, understandably, are livid and are considering taking both Nike and Barcelona to court regarding the slip up. Whatever might be the outcome in coming times, this one transfer saga is far from over and will continue producing more twists and turns in the coming days. We, like you, are keeping our eyes glued on this one…
Arindam Chakraborty
Welcome to another edition of our weekly recognition of the top trolling threads as seen on the ”Premier Fantasy League of Extraordinary Fans” Facebook page. Feast your eyes as festive cheer was spread during the past two rounds of Premier League fixtures.
Man Utd suffered the injustice of giving up a lead against a 10 man team but Justice thinks some bus drivers are just too damn efficient for their own good. Leicester’s Harry wasn’t in a hurry though.
Nargeh offers some draw soup to tortured Liverpool and Arsenal fans, following on from their epic 3-3 draw. Warming of the soup, and coming back to eat after FIVE minutes is advised, else the soup would make your bowels as loose as a Liverpool defence under pressure.
A messenger delivers an unsolicited message and runs as quickly as Jamie Vardy arriving with a banger goal after some ‘childish’ Manchester United defending.
This contains a brilliant suggestion from an Arsenal fan. There is a big market out there for Arsenal fans who need understanding from their spouses or partners during times of emotional distress. I have a domain ready. ForthrightLove.com.
A simply epic post. One which makes you laugh but also makes you consider how it might contain some element of truth. Catch up on further investigations in ”The Thursday Night Football Chronicles”.
Oladimeji Sapoloso