Season 2017/18: Weeks 4 and 5
In the previous edition, I recommended a non-contact double-footed tackle which would do enough to wake Harry Kane up. Although he still seems a bit drowsy, woken up he has with 2 goals in GW 4.
My other recommendations for Bellerin and Kevin de Bruyne also worked a treat. A little bit of pain inflicted by Scholesy tackles brought a lot of gain from both.
Suddenly, Hector is keeping clean sheets as easily as his flamboyant hair. And look, blistering barnacles ! Tin Tin KDB is loading up the assists again.
This week we would be using the dark and moody Roy Keane and his keenness for the art of tackling.
Little Pea, all at sea, busy as a bee, but useless in three.
Yes, three. The number of games Javier Hernandez has now failed to score in. Three is also the now preferred forward formation for Bilic since the Geordie Horsey made a return. And no, I dont mean the horse punched by a Newcastle fan.
Andy Carroll’s return to fitness means more long balls and thats a no no for Chicarito. So while I sympathise a bit with his recent lack of productivity, I have to mete out some punishment for his deceiving of FPL managers with 2 goals in GW 2. Stamp on his foot and if he turns to complain, stamp on the other one too.
It was going so well. Clean sheets and possibility of assists from set pieces. But when you are Ashley Young, and you can run, swim, dive, jump, cross, tackle and defend, then Jose Mourinho is very likely to give you a chance over a laid back Dutch dude.
Two games no starts for Blind. Jose isn’t going to give us our Daley bread. A Mourinho team is always going to keep a good number of clean sheets and if Blind isn’t going to be playing enough games at 5.5m, then a Roy Keane special is in order. Lunge in and sweep both of his feet from behind.
So, you have had 5 league games this season but maintaining your afro hair has been a more productive venture. Do you have a case to argue Mr. Will.I.an?
Eden Hazard was out injured. Many FPL managers went with the logic of owning the Brazilian who could benefit from that absence. One assist in 5 games was the reward. Damn, there are even defenders scoring goals already. Sorry Willian, you deserve a black eye, G.
However, I shall be lenient and no facial injuries shall be necessary. I hereby mercifully sentence you to a Roy Keane top of the range ankle bruiser. Go and sin no more.