Welcome back to the only place on the inter-web where you can receive advice about administering over-whelming justice to under-whelming FPL players.
In the previous edition, we brought in Stevie G to do some gee-ing up on a few players. Wayne Rooney, Riyadh Mahrez and Southampton Strikers all got some form of ‘treatment’ from Gerrard.
Rooney responded to the studs up challenge from Stevie
Me G and regained his goal scoring touch for weeks 8 and 9. It wasn’t enough to save Koeman’s job but it was good enough to redeem Rooney’s reputation as a solid FPL striker choice.
Gerrard also did a fantastic job as recommended on Mahrez in the previous edition. In the 3 gameweeks after receiving a double footed sliding tackle, Mahrez has recorded a goal and three assists. Tragic Shakespeare, Magic Mahrez.
However, only one Southampton striker slightly responded to treatment. In gameweek 8, Gabbiadini scored twice and returned to being as rubbish as his fellow strikers thereafter.
This edition, we are seeking to emulate Gerrard’s good work by employing another scouser who can dish out dirty tackles and much more. Ladies and Gentlemen, I rowdily present Monsieur Joey Barton. Who are his victims?
Henrikh, Mickey Taking. What the hell happened to that early season form when it seemed he was going to lay on assist after assist until Henrikh replaced Henry as the PL’s record assist king?
Since gameweek 5, no goal or assist from Miki Tired Ant. Let’s get Barton to harm an arm on the Armenian. No excuses about ‘incredible’ wind or clean sheets or unhappy Old Trafford fans can get him out of this punishment. Get him, Joey!
He was too good for Sunderland. They wasted all his goals by sinking into relegation wonderland. Now we have to wonder if he is good enough for Bournemouth. 1 (ONE !!) goal in 9 appearances indicates any debate about his output is not germane.
It can be a pity to see a striker like Jermain struggling in a team who have often been praised for good attacking football. However, there can be no place for pity in the cruel world of FPL.
A Barton battering is needed and his foe is Defoe. A trip from behind and two punches to the head while Jermain is prone might just do the trick.
The third most selected goalkeeper in FPL. Pulis-ball is generally boring to watch but you could always bet on good old Tony getting good defensive displays out of his teams (until they hit the 40 point mark at least).
So it was no surprise that by gameweek 4, almost 900,000 FPL managers had put their trust in Foster getting a few clean sheets for West Brom. Downhill it went from there.
Big Ben has not kept a clean sheet since gameweek 5 and it’s about time he got some ‘encouragement’ from Joey la. The process may or may not involve cigarette burns.
Bye for now.