Most of us know how annoying fantasy football can get. There are times when the club you support win a game but your fantasy team plonks to a disastrous weekend, sucking out some of the joy you should have been feeling. Like getting your ice-cream knocked to the ground after you have just taken your first lick.
Behind every poor FPL score are a few under-performing players who just want to wreck your ice-cream and your dreams of glory. Here in this series, we would be administering verbal versions of tackles straight from the Paul Scholesy School of Bad Challenges.
At the end of the article, you are also welcome to choose one FPL player not named on my list but also worthy of being tackled.
Vent, we shall.
Season 2017/18. Weeks 1 – 3
Lad, what exactly is wrong with you? 8 shots against Chelsea, 10 shots against Burnley. ZERO PL goals in the month of August, yet again. Do you just enjoy your summer holidays a bit too much? That is now a total of 44 shots, 13 PL games and 898 minutes in August without ever scoring.
If you had him like I did, feel free to imagine yourself launching at him with a double footed tackle which just misses him. That should wake him up properly in time for September when his league goals hopefully start flowing.
One of my friends says Bellerin’s football sense went downhill as soon as he completed his Samurai hairstyle. I am beginning to suspect this theory might be true. As part of a defence which has let in 8 goals already in only 3 games, Hector hasn’t been value for his 6m cost price. I do wonder if he would improve in the next few games or if his inhalation of dust from Salah’s sprinting would further deteriorate his non-performance.
With the caveat of Wenger playing him out of position in a couple games, he deserves only a hard sliding tackle at the moment. Upgrade to a studs up challenge if he doesn’t deliver an assist and a couple clean sheets over the next few games.
Kevin De Bruyne
He looks like Tin-Tin but in August all he contributed was No Tin, No Tin. There was more usefulness to be found in the prison called Sing Sing. At 10m, you would expect an attacking midfielder of his calibre to at least have one assist during three full games. Close to 20% of all FPL managers placed their trust in KDB. They might as well have placed their trust in an injured RVP, a striking VVD or a geek with a PHD.
At least Kane can lay some blame on his August curse and Bellerin can say he was Wenger-ed. However, there really isn’t any excuse for Kevin. So I suggest a double-footed tackle with some minor impact on his right calf.
Join me next time for more ranting and tackling. Don’t forget to let us know which other players you would like to give the same treatment I just did.
Get the stretchers ready.