Un-Quoted

Today we have an irrepressible and occasionally irresponsible striker with us. He just recently scored a match winning hat-trick in the Milan Derby and is one of the hottest strikers in Serie A.

Hello Mauro Icardi. Talk us through your celebration with the Inter Milan shirt after scoring the winning penalty last weekend.

First off all, who the hell are you calling occasionally irresponsible? I grew up in one of Argentina’s toughest neighbourhoods. I can bring 100 criminals from there right now to deal with you like I dealt with the Inter Milan Ultras.

Sorry Mauro. I was only using artistic license. Forgive me. But wait, you actually did nothing to the Inter Ultras. In fact, you had to apologise profusely to them for comments you made when they threw your shirt back at you after a match a few years ago.

Let’s get on with the Interview. I don’t have time to waste.

Okay, back to my original question.

Yes, I held up my shirt to the cameras and the fans just to remind various people who might have forgotten my name.

Starting with the people of Barcelona FC. I was there when I was 15 years old. They let me go. Who is laughing now? I even did the shirt celebration better than Messi did. Mine was even after a hat-trick unlike Messi’s. No, I am not jealous at all.

Another person who might have forgotten my name is my former team-mate, Maxi Lopez. Yeah okay, maybe it wasn’t a cool move to start dating the mother of his three children. But hey, it was true love and all that. At least I proved so by marrying her soon after!

And one other person that needed reminding of my name is the Argentine football manager, Jorge Sampaoli. He should give up on Higuain for good and take me as first choice striker for the world cup. I am not a bottler, I grew up in a tough Argentine neighbourhood, I make Italian Ultras quake with fear, I make ..

Okay Mauro, we addressed that already…

Don’t you interrupt me. How dare you dis-respect me? You’d better hide your kids, you’d better hide your wife, you hear me?

I hear you loud and clear, Mauro. Loud and clear. On a lighter note, can you tell us a joke?

AC Milan… bahahahaha

Interviewer- Oladimeji Sapoloso

Artist- Daniel Diaku